nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
