Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My ATM looks so different sober.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
