Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
