He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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