there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
