i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
