I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
