That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
