I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
