I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
