I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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