ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
