I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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