All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
