i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize