Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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