I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
