only if we run a train.
done.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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