If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
