My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
