whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
