Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
