I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
