I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
