Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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