Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
