I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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