Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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