Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
