I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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