I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
