is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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