i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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