Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
