yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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