More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
