just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
