Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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