He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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