even my farts smell like vagina
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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