Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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