I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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