Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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