There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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