Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
