Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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