I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
