i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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