i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
