My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
