why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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