I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
