theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
