I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
