At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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