my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
