Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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