You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
