Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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