my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
