Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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