sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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