I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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