My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
