I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
