I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
