I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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