Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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