In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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