I feel great
I just peed on a car
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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