He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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