wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
