Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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