I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
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I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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