he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
