you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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