Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
