tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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