so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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