I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
