WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wear drunk well.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
