Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
