We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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