Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I want is dick and wine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
