I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
