And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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