i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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