Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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