hotel room ftw
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
