Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
