hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
