dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
