if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
