So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
